Mom guilt is a real thing. We all go through it, but how can we overcome it?
There are so many things we feel guilty about. Let’s take a look at 5 things we feel guilty about and dive into reasonable ways to overcome them.
1. Not Having Enough Time
Time is a mythical unicorn that we never seem to be able to get a hold of. We are the family accountant, the chef, the maid, the boo boo kisser, the nurse, the story reader, the taxi and so much more. We have jobs that demand our time as well.
Sometimes we promise playtime and time gets away from us. Dinner is still on the stove and there’s a load of laundry in the washer. The kids don’t understand that they need food and clean clothes, they just want to play. We cancel playtime and tell them, “Next time baby. Mommy’s really busy.” Then we feel guilty. We broke a promise.
Let me tell you mama, it happens. We have grand ideas on what we’ll accomplish for the day and sometimes only half of it gets done. Let’s be real. Sometimes none of it gets done! And guess what? That is normal! You are not any different from any person on the planet.
Realistically, there isn’t enough time. There will never be enough time. And that is ok. It keeps us flexible. Look at your to-do list, pick a couple of items and say, “Nope, not today.” The world will not burn, the house will not cave in and life will keep on going. It is more than ok to not hit 100% of the target every day.
I once heard if you win most of the day, you’ve won the day. If you win most of the week, you’ve won the week. And so on for the month and the year.
Don’t beat yourself up when a couple of things go undone. There is still time to get it done. You have not failed, you just reprioritized your time.
Had to cancel playtime? Just make laundry or dinner a game with your child. You get your tasks done and your child gets the attention they want.
2. Not Being Able To Afford Things
Parenting is expensive. Single parenting can really take a toll on your pockets! There are often things we want to buy for our children or experiences we want them to have and sometimes we simply cannot afford to make those things happen.
Let yourself off the hook. You are doing the very best you can. Get creative and create free experiences for your family. The time spent, not the money, are the things that will stick with your child throughout life.
Furthermore, it is ok to tell your child you cannot afford something. It will help them to understand the difference between necessities and extras. They will need this understanding as they grow into adulthood. It will also help them to appreciate the extras when you can afford them.
3. Life Lessons For Your Male Child
This one threw me for a loop when I became a single mother to a son. There were so many things I never even thought of that he needed to know.
“I’m his mom. I should know everything he needs to know. I should be able to teach him and prepare him for manhood.”
Guess what? I didn’t know everything! Shocking, I know. And I’ll let you in on a little secret, you don’t know everything either. No one does.
As his mother, you will find creative ways to learn and teach the information your son needs to know. Don’t know how to tie a tie? Ask an uncle or a friend. You can even learn on YouTube. Not sure if there’s a boy GYN (lol)? Ask the pediatrician. They know.
Google male-oriented community events. They are everywhere. Nonprofits are regularly doing the work to help grow boys into stand-up men.
There are resources available, but let go of the guilt that you should know it all. No (wo)man is an island.
4. Taking Time For Yourself
I’m sorry. Didn't you say you had laundry, dinner and playtime to do today? Did you really just cancel all of that to have time to yourself?
Yes. You. Did!
And you should have. The house is better when mom is better. Did you really feel like burning dinner? Did you really feel like leaving the clothes in the washer until they smelled funny? Did you really feel like playing with your child while paying them zero attention? No, you didn't.
If you take care of you first and make sure your headspace is taken care of, you will be more attentive in the other areas of your life.
It may seem selfish (it isn’t), but you must take care of you first. Give yourself time to decompress, you’ll be a better mother for it.
5. Not Being Perfect
Life is a series of trials and errors. Parenting is no different. You will mess up. You will make mistakes. Acknowledge where you messed up and course correct.
There is not one perfect mother in the history of mothers. We all make mistakes. Attempting to be perfect also teaches your child to have unrealistic expectations. If you mess up, try apologizing to your child. It shows them you are human, that you are willing to correct your mistakes and that they are valuable enough to be apologized to.
Don’t seek perfection. Seek insight. Seek the ability to do better the next time. Perfection, like time, is a mythical unicorn. You will never grab hold of it, so release that idea to the wind.
You Are Doing Your Best
As you learn and grow through motherhood, you will have wins. You will see what works for you and your family. You’ll do more of those things and learn from your mistakes. Allow yourself to be human. You are trying your very best and if you always do that you will be successful in raising well-rounded human beings who will also mess up (ha!). But this time they’ll know they’re normal and they can always course correct.
What things do you have mom guilt about? How have you overcome mom guilt in your own life? Comment Below
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