It's not the way you thought things would be, but it's the way things are. How do you adjust and become successful at single parenting?
I was thrown into single motherhood at the young age of 23. My son's father was tragically taken from us in 2009. My son was only 5-years-old. I had no idea how to deal with the grief or how to raise a child on my own. It was the single worst experience of my life, but I had to adjust. I had to figure out how to be the parent my son deserved.
Single parenting is hard! We all desire to be the best mothers for our children and regularly reassessing our approach is necessary.
Single parenting doesn't have to be as hard as we make it. And yes, I am speaking from experience. There isn't a solution to make single parenting simple, but sometimes we need to make adjustments within ourselves to make the ride a bit easier.
Why Adjusting is Necessary
I know a lot of us wish things could just go back to how they used to be or that things could be better. We become single mothers for different reasons, but in the end, we are left parenting alone. Some of us have amazing co-parenting relationships. Others of us are left to raise our children by ourselves. In either case, you have to figure out how to best structure your home life to suit your children's needs.
Our kids need stability. They need us to be our best selves. They need us to show them how to find peace in challenging situations.
Read the 4 ways to help you become a successful single mother.
1. Find Someone To Talk To
2. Create A Schedule
1. Find Someone To Talk To
This is a brand new experience for you. Taking care of your mental health is of the utmost importance. Having a friend or relative you can express your positive and negative feelings to can help to keep you grounded. However, friends and family may not be qualified to help you through your transition.
Speaking with a therapist might be a good tool to have in your tool belt. A therapist can offer an unbiased view of how you can approach your new role as all-encompassing parent.
Therapy can be pricey, but there are options to assist you. You can try local churches, pregnancy resource centers and even google bereavement camps if your spouse is no longer here. These camps offer free resources to the parent and children).
2. Create A Schedule
Being an adult already comes with a packed schedule. Add a few kids and tasks can seem impossible! It's difficult, I know, but a schedule is possible!
Pick a day for laundry
Laundry is a never-ending task. Schedule a day for laundry and teach your little ones how to help you. Eventually, you won't have to put their clothes away for them, thus freeing up more time on your end!
Cook for a few days instead of every night
Pick which days are cooking days and have leftovers the other days. This not only saves time, but money too! Keep ordering out to a minimum a keep your money for more important things. Plus, cooking at home is healthier for your family.
Have a set bedtime for your children
Bedtime can be hectic with children who don't want to sleep. They will adjust in time. When you put a routine in place they will fall asleep more easily. I used to start the routine at 6 p.m. I would take my son outside to run, jump and simply tire himself out. I'd then have dinner with him, bath time, story time, then bed at 8 p.m. After keeping this routine for a while, just being in the bathtub made him sleepy.
Keeping a set bedtime for your children frees you up to clean up, pursue a hobby or dream, watch television, or just go to bed yourself. You need time for yourself too. Knowing you'll be able to relax after they're down for the night is so freeing!
What else can you add?
Think about all the things it takes to keep your home running smoothly. Write it down. I know it will look like a lot (because it is), but when you break it down into bite-sized chunks you can tackle throughout the week, your tasks become more manageable.
3. Mommy Self-Care
When you're on an airplane, the flight attendant explains that in the event of an emergency you should put your oxygen mask on before assisting someone else with theirs. Why?
Because you cannot effectively help someone until you help yourself!
Take time for yourself, mama. Self-care is top priority in having a happy home. Having a routine in place in your home will allow for a 15-minute cup of tea, or 30 minutes to reread your favorite book. Kids are unpredictable, but you will be able to find time for yourself and you should take it every chance you get!
Mommy burnout is a real thing. Take time to wind down. You deserve it.
4. Set Realistic Expectations
Let's face the truth. You will not get everything done and that is ok! Sometimes you just have to leave the sink full of dishes or skip the vacuum session. Sometimes you're really enjoying movie time with the kids and that's way more important than a few dirty plates.
Recognize what should take priority at that moment and go with it. I know this seems to negate the point of setting a schedule, but it doesn't. Having a schedule keeps important tasks top of mind so they don't pile up to an overwhelming amount. Skipping something once still keeps it manageable.
Like I said before, children are unpredictable. Don't beat yourself up if you didn't accomplish everything on your to-do list. Completing most or some is acceptable and you can't expect perfection every day. It's the imperfections that make your house a home.
You've Got This
Single motherhood is a big job! There's so much to do and not a lot of time, but you can do it! The kids don't stay small forever and you will find your groove.
What tips do you have for the single mama tribe? Comment below.
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