Do you have to decide between the kids and your dreams? Should you just wait until they're 18? When is the right time to just go for it?
*Single Mommy & a Dream is a space for single mothers pursuing their dreams.
**This blog is opinion based. My experiences may be something you can relate to or not. I am merely sharing what I've learned along the way.
Let's be honest, it takes a lot of time to raise children. A lot of time! It's hard to find time to clean the house let alone find time to pursue dreams. Between school projects, uneaten dinners and bedtime stories, when are we supposed to pursue dreams? Is it even important? Shouldn't we just pour into our children rather than focusing so much on dreams? Who has time for dreams anyway? Deciding whether to pursue dreams is ultimately up to you. I had to make that decision.
Photo Credit: Allen Studio
My son was born with two loving parents. I taught as an assistant teacher at his first school and was able to spend a lot of time with him and his father after work. I didn't have any dreams. His father and I were making a home and although I had a very small income, he brought in a check as well so our bills were taken care of. Well, in 2009, my boyfriend was tragically taken from us. My son's world was shaken and I was thrown into a world I was completely unprepared for: single motherhood. My low income was not cutting it and little by little I started to lose everything I had gained throughout the years.
I had a decision to make: continue to struggle or decide what I want and go for it.
You Don't Have To Choose Between Your Dream And The Kids
Our kids are the most important things in our lives. Everything we do, we do for them. We teach them how to read and help them study for tests. We encourage them to pursue their talents and tell them they can be anything they want to be when they grow up. Mothering is an all day job, 25/8. If we take time for ourselves we are neglecting them right? Wrong!
We've heard time and again that children will do what we do, not what we say. You are your child's first teacher. When we set our dreams aside "for our children", the unintended lesson is: you can be anything you want to be until you have children. I'm sure that's not what we meant to say.
You can choose yourself AND your children. Choose yourself because of your children. When the flight attendant explains the emergency instructions, they tell you to put your face mask on first. Why? Because you can't help someone else effectively until you help yourself!
You don't pursue your dreams in spite of your children. You pursue your dreams because of your children! Show them that anything is possible by being their bright and shining example. Show them they can push forward because that is what you did.
Your first step is to DECIDE to pursue your dreams. Say yes to the dream and everything else will follow.
The Time Is Always Right
My favorite piece of advice when my son was, "Sleep when the baby sleeps". Not really! I hated that. Oh, ok! So when should I do the baby's laundry? When should I wash the dishes? When should I eat? When should I wash myself?! "Sleep when the baby sleeps" was the most annoying piece of advice I heard as a new mother. The time is never right to do any of these things, but you have to get it done. That's what moms do. Get it done!
Look at your dream as a thing you have to get done! Put it on the list. Make sure it's a priority.
Although we know we cannot always sleep when the baby sleeps, we know that sometimes we have to. Other times we find time for that cup of tea or mindless reality TV. We'll find time to catch up with friends on the phone or read a few pages of a book. The newborn phase doesn't last forever and hormones begin to balance out again. Time is still there and we will get more of it. We steal small pieces of it for ourselves and we can use them to move forward.
Find one time a day or week for you and your dreams.
When my son was small I maintained a bedtime routine. As a baby he cried all night, but I still maintained the routine. Bedtime was 8 p.m. I started the routine at 6 p.m. Intense play, dinner, warm bath, story time, a few songs and bed. Eventually, the bath itself would make him sleepy because he became accustomed to the routine. I knew that the one consistent time I'd have for myself daily was after he was down for the night. I used those moments to research, study and pursue my dreams.
The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.
-Lao Tzu
Whenever you take time to pursue your dream you get another step closer to realizing it. Your child will remember the bedtime stories and how you fought hard to improve their lives. They'll remember the games you played with them and your early mornings taking client phone calls.
Your children will become adults one day and when life gets hard, they'll know they can push through because they saw you do it. They saw the drive, the love and the down time. They'll know they can have all these things because they saw that you don't have to choose just one.
The time is right whenever you decide it is.
You don't have to wait until your children are grown. Of course, you can decide to wait, just know that you don't have to. Take one class, go to one workshop, host one tasting for your restaurant idea. Every little step prepares you for your future giant leap.
You've Got This!
Mamas! If anyone can get it done, I know you can! You're already superwomen! Routine is your best friend. Trust me, I know this is easier said than done, but it is possible. Set yourself up for success by carving out time for you. You will not be raising kids forever and then what? We don't have to start over when we're empty nesters. You can pursue your dreams now! You can provide a life for yourself and your children you never imagined. Prove it to yourself that you can do it. Take the necessary steps to move forward:
Decide
Choose Both
Set a Routine
Research
Practice
Execute
What else would you add for the other mamas? Comment below!
Stay involved. Subscribe below.
Share with a friend.
Want to read more of my journey from teen mom to six-figure earner? Check out the book!
Comments